#234

I hate to sound like a broken record. So I hesitate to say this.

But oh dear Lord, my head is killing me. I am so bloody tired of feeling this way. The constant ache that makes my muscles curl in, the stiff joints because I fear the slightest movement. The constant neausea. My jaw aching from clenching my teeth against the pain, my ears aching with the tiniest sound. And when I dare stand, or shift, the explosion makes me feel like the sheer strength to keep my boody in one piece is beyond my will.

I am tired of this. I want a new head. Please.

Speaking of, J kills me. Why is he one of the only people in this world that gets me like this? I cannot get my words to mean anything to him. Or I guess I should say I cant get my words to mean what I want them to. He doesnt get it, or doesnt want to get it.

I feel like I am fighting with a brick wall. But I keep at it, thinking one day that damn brick will budge. I will get to feel like I was there, like I made it happen. Like I had an effect after all.

I am not asking for much. Just a little bit of something...