#244

I went to Mass on post. We went one of our first weekends here, and I was not impressed. But I thought I needed to give it another try. And part of me was really glad that I did. 

The Mass was pretty much just what I needed. It was a good old traditional Mass. The readings were great, and the priest had a really great homily. 

My daughters, on the other hand, were not behaving. At all. and then, to take my ok experience and turn it completely sour, a not nice lady told me "if they are going to act up you need to put them in the nursery." Uh, no I don't. YOU need to be nice and nonjudgemental. They were having a bad day, yeah. Which is why we were standing in the back. How would you feel if you were asked to leave somewhere because someone didn't want to hear you?? I am not going to banish my children to the nursery. So if this congregation is not kid friendly, I'm out. 

The girls continued to act up at home and while we were out. I really think that their attitude has a lot to do with our company. They are just not acting like they normally do. They are still cute and sweet and funny and all that. But they are misbehaving a lot. Not a fan of that. And I am so not a fan of other people attempting to discipline my children, especially when I am right there. And yes, that includes a simple 'don't do that'. My kids, my words. That's all. P.S. That goes for my dogs too. 

It is 2100 and I am ready for bed. This has been an exhausting day for me. Probably because I am just tired of the people in my house. I don't mind going to my Mom's and having people around all the time. But I like my house to be just my daughters, my husband, my dogs, and myself... And my husband's family is just so different from my family.

 I am struggling here to be honest and nice and find the right words. Clearly not succeeding on any of those... J's family is not like any other family I have met. Their mannerisms and the way they interact with each other is pretty foreign. I never feel like I even come close to belonging. I do feel like I am expected to make an effort, while they do not. It can get exhausting for me- biting my tongue, playing nice. And I like to laugh. A lot. They do not. 

But back to my point. I am tired. I am going to bed. 

P.S. Meds are having a few unpleasant side effects. I had gotten pretty dizzy and light headed a few times. And my belly is killing me. Head still hurts pretty bad too. Ugh. 

#243

I feel like I should look over my posts. There is no what I have done this for 243 days. Possibly I have counted wrong? Skipped numbers?! Because 243 posts means I am two-thirds of the way through this crazy project. Go me!! So here is something a little... I don't know, but here it is.

In this crazy story called Holly's Life, there have been some pretty crazy characters. And I like that. Because I am crazy. And damn it, I miss some of those characters. A lot. Especially lately. 

I miss meeting my friend at Starbucks. I don't even remember why we started meeting there. But I drive by a Starbucks and I miss our crazy talks and his dog. 

I miss sitting outside on a Friday night with a cold beer and a good friend. Because even if my week had been crap, she was still awesome and would make me laugh. We would have fun and that was all that mattered. 

I miss the boy that was good with a basketball and bad with my heart. Because sometimes he got it right. And he was my friend, damn it. 

I miss having a quirky friend in middle school. Because I wasn't the only oddball. It didn't matter that we were supposed to act cool, we just wanted to act like us. And we did that together. 

I miss so many people that were characters in my story. Some I miss more than others. Some I miss Because I know I should. But some... 

Some people I miss because of me. I miss that person that I was when I was with every one of those characters. I miss who they brought out of me. I miss being carefree, or flirty, or honest, or hopeful, or loved.

Sometimes I miss the possibilities. I always miss the companionship. And I think I always will miss the knowing- of who they were and who they were helping me to be. 

Maybe one day some of the characters will come back. Maybe some of them are gone forever. Maybe it doesn't matter either way. 

I do know that Holly's Life would have been a whole different story without them. 

#242

My mother in law, SIL and grandfather IL are here they got in around 7pm and will be here for the weekend. We haven't seen them for 2 years. 

The girls are unsure about these new people in their house. I am sure they will be fine tomorrow. But it has to suck for my in laws. And it doesn't help that they got here at bedtime, at the end of a long, napless, cranky day. 

So that was my day. Cleaning to get ready for company. Dealing with headstrong girls. Struggling with my husband, because we were both on edge today. Not sure why, though I had my suspicions. 

And I started some meds today for my migraines. So far, no reaction. So yeah for not having a bad reaction. But it isn't a miracle drug that made my head all better after 30 minutes. It will take a while to help, if it helps at all. I should know in a week if it starts to work. 

The doc is thinking it will help, on two fronts. Ease the migraines and slow my crazy heart. My heart can beat around 120 bpm for no reason, while I am relaxing. Totally not normal. So he wants this med, which is a beta blocker, to do double duty. 

Hopefully it does. 

#241

I am speaking on behalf of myself, no one else. Not my husband, his unit, the Army, or any other military service or spouse. Clear?

I am pissed off and the more I think about it the more I want to scream. The whole 'Pick on the Military' thing is just getting old. I am tired of hearing about it, tired of thinking about it, and tired of it even being an option to some people.

Here is the deal. 1%. One percent. That is the population of this country that serves in the military. 1% protects this country's freedoms and defends the Constitution. Don't get me wrong, law enforcement officers and other civil branches protect us. But the United States Military member signs his life away, literally, for the good of his country.

And in return, Congress thinks it is a good idea to take away the perks of the job. An actual retirement plan. Health benefits. Our income. Veteran's benefits. These things are the reasons the military family tolerates the crap we do: because the perks get us through the crap. Knowing his wife and kids are taken care of makes it easier for husbands and fathers to go off to war.

You really think it is a good idea to take that away?

I am really just so tired of this administration and the shit they have put my military family through. Oh, boo hoo, GW Bush 'sent' us to war. He was doing what any sane person would have done. This guy, on the other hand, is a total screw up that clearly doesn't give a shit about the guys protecting his ass. If he did, we wouldn't have to worry about our pay being cut, or withheld completely. We wouldn't have to worry that the retirement plan we were planning on, and planning our lives around, would be taken from us. We wouldn't have to worry that our friends and family wouldn't be getting the medical care they need, for wounds received in the act of protecting us all.

The military is one percent of our population. One percent that carries a heavy load. They have never asked to be called heroes. Their actions have just led us all to call them that. They do not ask to be paid over time. Hell, they don't ask to be paid half of what they deserve. All they ask is that the United States government treats them fairly.

Because if the USA doesn't honor the contract our service members signed, what makes you think the service member will honor it? You might want to consider that, Washington.

#240

Ugh. 

Neurologists annoy me. My appointment sucked. I don't want to do that again. Ugh!

Ok it wasn't horrible. The man was nice-ish. He gave me a med to try and ordered labs. But I wasn't comfortable with it all. Him asking a ton of questions that I couldn't answer. Me feeling like an idiot. And hey, finding out my last neurologist wasn't taking me serious sucked. For the record, I don't have anxiety issues, jerk face. UGH!

After that funness, I took the girls to the splash park. They went with me to my appointment, and were so well behaved (even through the fire alarm, which terrified them). So I was a nice mommy and took them to play. Which was awesome, until K got hurt. And I mean hurt. 

She has a huge knot on her forehead that is a beautiful purple color. Man it is a huge bump! She was having a blast playing, and I am not entirely sure how it happened. But I think she was accidentally knocked into a bigger kid, or he knocked her to the ground? Who knows. Poor kid wouldn't stop apologizing! And K's head was growing and turning colors before my eyes. So we headed home, where I repeatedly examined her pupils and walking abilities. I woke her up a trillion times during her nap. 

Yeah, it was that bad. Usually I am not even close to the paranoid mom. But today I was seriously worried about a concussion! Happy to report, I believe we dodged that bullet. 

Oh, and I got a sunburn. Good night!

P.S. It really wasn't a horrible day. 

#239

My day largely consisted of trying to be lazy while cleaning my house. Which means I was partly successful in both areas. I folded laundry and picked up the disaster living room while chilling with my girls. 

And after they went to bed I went to walmart. My WIC was going to expire, so there really wasn't a choice. I got what I needed, and a few things I didn't need. Like a book. The third in a series that I have been reading. They aren't fantabulous, but they are good. The check out guy did think so. He harped on my choice. I made fun of Twilight, to see his reaction. He agreed and gave me a series to check out. That makes me happy!

Another thing that makes me happy is FtC housing. Thy sent us a check! On post we don't technically pay for utilities. But here, you are allotted a certain amount. If you go over that, you pay. Stay under, and they pay you. Woop!

My light Nazi attitude and total climate control  is paying off!

#238

I am getting ready to leave my moms house and head back to FTC. I figured the 6 hour drive might be better if the chicks were asleep. Hopefully. 

I am pretty tires my dang self. My girls have always slept in their own room. So sleeping in he same BED with them is tiring. They toss and turn and flip and talk and generally make my night exhausting. And they wake up at the freaking crack of dawn. So I figure driving until 3 am and getting up with them at 7 will give me Bout the same amount of sleep. 

This afternoon we went bowling. Me, my girls, Ma, my sis in law, one niece and one nephew. Crazy group I tell ya. The kids had fun. Bowling is not my sport. I was beat by a five year old. And we both had bumpers! 

And now I have to say goodbye. Because I am a jerk and won't stay forever. And how dare I not let my girls stay here? I could come back later this week! 

Yeah right!

#237

Today was a funny day. 

I went to Mass this morning, on FLW. The girls and I met a dear friend of mine from Pigfurt. She is great and it was great to visit with her. We met shortly after we both moved to Schweinfurt and were attending RCIA with Fr L. She is super smart and has a crazy love for Christ. It's awesome to see. 

Mass wasn't so awesome. That's harsh. What I mean to say is the homily was mind boggling. This priest was a special kind of guy that had a weird way of speaking to his congregation. Odd. 

This evening my stepdad asked me to go through an old box in the garage. A box that I packed up a couple weeks after I graduated high school and the way I saw my future changed. A box labeled 'Holly' from 2004. 

Well, my Ma and stepdad live in the middle of nowhere. So some animals got in to it. Creepy creepy. But there was a box in a box that was left alone. So I took a walk down memory lane. 

I remember putting those letters, pictures, and flowers in that shoe box and taping it up. Tossing the shoe box and stuffed animals and snow globes in to a old tv box. Anger, hurt, loss, bitterness. And some glee. Some anticipation at what life had in store for me. And exhaustion- I had traveled from Cal to Mo and refused to go to sleep until everything was hidden. Stubborn me. 

As I was opening the box, I remembered the good, the bad, and the indifferent. I didn't need to read those letters or see those pictures. I remember the feelings my 16 year old self felt, what those pieces meant. And I remembered what my 17 year old self felt. 

So I opened the box, but never got around to looking at it's contents.  Because this Holly knows that this me is a lot better for that Holly. Those pieces of my past made me, me. But they aren't me. Just good, bad, and indifferent memories. 

Memories that I am glad I have. 

#236

I come from a family of freaks. Really, a weird mix of people. 

At a birthday party for my niece, there were about 25 people. Of those 25, there were three sets of twins, and four mothers of twins. Crazy, right?

The party was good, the girls had fun, my niece liked her presents. My little chicks were tired though. We had a rough night. P kept waking up crying. Not sure why, thought I think it was her molars. Whatever it was, it was a long night. Followed, or course, by an early morning. 

I am not a morning person. But they are just so dang chipper in the morning you can't help but smile. "Good morning Mommy!" at 6:45 am is cute, even if I want to crawl under a rock with my blankie. 

And, let me be a crazy white chick for a second. I just saw a commercial for a dating website. There are a million of those, right? Well this one was for black people. Seriously?????? If you read my blog in February, you know how I feel about the whole 'black' thing. How the bleep is that acceptable?!?

#235

Well, we are in Missouri. I went back and forth on whether we should come or not. But here we are. 

The drive was pretty much what you would expect a six hour drive with two year old twins to be like. But it really wasn't too bad. I think driving at night would be way better. Plus side, my phone has a voice memo thing so I did some 'writing'.

Being with family is nice. After being so fat away for so long, it is nice to see them all. The not nice thing is my major headache and cramps, and my daughter not sleeping good. P woke up around 1030 pm and is still awake after midnight. 

Not fun. 

I am exhausted. 

#234

I hate to sound like a broken record. So I hesitate to say this.

But oh dear Lord, my head is killing me. I am so bloody tired of feeling this way. The constant ache that makes my muscles curl in, the stiff joints because I fear the slightest movement. The constant neausea. My jaw aching from clenching my teeth against the pain, my ears aching with the tiniest sound. And when I dare stand, or shift, the explosion makes me feel like the sheer strength to keep my boody in one piece is beyond my will.

I am tired of this. I want a new head. Please.

Speaking of, J kills me. Why is he one of the only people in this world that gets me like this? I cannot get my words to mean anything to him. Or I guess I should say I cant get my words to mean what I want them to. He doesnt get it, or doesnt want to get it.

I feel like I am fighting with a brick wall. But I keep at it, thinking one day that damn brick will budge. I will get to feel like I was there, like I made it happen. Like I had an effect after all.

I am not asking for much. Just a little bit of something...

#233

Today was one of those days, where I just felt like I was going to lose it. My mind, my patience, my sense of self. And I did, a little. But I think I have gotten it back. A little.

Wow, don't I sound all moody and melodramatic! Sorry. Just one of those days.

I am really struggling with the mom thing. Being a mom, a good mom, seems so much harder than I thought it would be. I blame it on 1950's sitcoms. Damn you, June Cleaver and your perfect hair and your pearls and your easy Mom nature. Damn you.

Because for me, being a mom has not been a walk down the perfectly stocked grocery store aisle. For me, being a mom has been exhaustion and confusion, doubts and terrors, and anger and frustration. With a ton of love and good feelings thrown in. But lots of the yucky things. I love my chicks like there is no tomorrow, but I find myself failing as a mom- about a million times a day.

I think part of the problem might be that I never saw myself as a mom. I never planned to be a nurturing, carpooling, cardigan wearing mom. I thought I would just be the cool aunt. So, two and a half years later, I am still trying to think of myself when the M word is thrown around. It is still weird.

Good weird. Because I love to be called Mom, and Momma, and Mommy. I love that I get to see myself in these little people. I love that I get to be the adult that will teach them and embarrass them, all at the same time.

But it doesn't change the fact that it is hard. And it is work. And there are days that I just don't quite get it right.

#232

Our cable is messed up. And because J took my car, with the carseats, and the cable place isn't too far away, the girls and I walked there. To set up an appointment for a tech to come out tomorrow.

The girls took a great nap. I read a new book. And tried to get more books from the library. But the last week I have been having problems with the library website. I wanted to punch the librarian, through tthe phone. Don't mess with my books people.

Waffles for dinner, because I am the coolest mom ever. They woke up from their nap asking for waffles. So I put the thawed chicken back in the fridge, for tomorrow. Took out some bacon annd my waffle maker. Made happy kids. Bam.

J and I watched a documentary about weed. Interesting. Thought provoking. All that jazz. Legalize? Demonize? Wanna get high?

#231

Man, what is my problem? The last two nights I have not posted. So here is what I should have said.

I thought my mini vacation would recharge me. I would come home and my family would be great. I would have patience and be the cool, collected mom.

Ha. My girls were total cranky pants today. Everything I said was wrong and they were acting like fools. I wanted to run away. We had to go by the library, which took forever according to my two year olds. They were acting up, and were not happy that I only let them get one book.

Then, the playgroup we were going to go to was cancelled. We found out as we were getting out of the car. Apparently, a broken AC in the Kentucky heat is a good reason to cancel!

And because they were acting up, I took them to the splash park. That makes absolutely no sense- why reward them? Uh, because it got them to burn off some bad energy and it meant I didn't have to listen to their bad attitudes at home. It made perfect sense to me at the time.

Apparently I am super sensitive too. J hurt my feelings. A couple times he made comments like 'They didn't act like this when you were gone.' or 'Every day you were gone they took naps.' "They act different with you around.'

Ok, should I leave??

#230

Last night I crashed shortly after my daughters did. I was exhausted and the head was pounding. So, sorry for the late post. But here you go. 

I think I have mentioned before that I hate goodbyes. They are no fun. But they have to be said, in my life all the time. 

So I said goodbye to M and her awesome daughter. We had a blast this weekend. Little Rock wasn't fun, but it was for us because we go to be together. I laughed like I haven't for a long time. It was just amazing, and I am already thinking about our next trip. 

The drive home wasnt too bad. I spent part of it brainstorming a new story. I really like the idea but am not sure how I can make it work. It's something really different for me. 

I got home as the girls were laying down for a nap. An hour later, my Ma headed back to Missouri because my nephew was having surgery to remove his appendix. And J was just being J. So when I got home, I kind of felt like I wasnt needed. Me being gone was no big deal, as was me being back. That kind of sucks. 

spending a few days with my best friend to come back to the land of no friends is not cool. 

#229

I think I should work at a historical museum as a tour guide. That is what I should do. Or maybe not.

M, MV, and I went on a little tour of the oldest area of Little Rock. It was pretty cool. But our guide was not. She knew what she was showing us, don't get me wrong. But she just was not fun or personable. She didn't seem to like my informative and entertaining tidbits, either. So, I think I should spread my knowledge and humor with other history nerds.

Or, maybe I shouldn't.

We had fun though. This trip was not what I was expecting, this city was not what I was expecting. But we have had fun. So I call that a win.

And tomorrow I will go back to my life as wife and mommy. And I am excited for that too. I miss my babies. And being a wife and mother is not what I expected. But it is fun.

#228

Just in case you were wondering, Little Rock kind of sucks. There is really not much to see or do here. But we attempted to have fun. And we did!

We saw the Clinton Presidential Library. Woop. Well let's be honest, we saw the outside of the library. Spending money to see a library for a president that we didn't like sounded lame to us. 

And the actual little rock along the river that the town is named for... Well it is a rock. And aptly name 'little'. 

We had a ton of fun at this cool little place called Painted Pig, where we made these mosaic things. They turned out great and we had a blast. 

Dinner was absolutely awesome. That is the only word that comes close to describing that experience. The food was good, dessert was great. And the conversation, the experience, was priceless. I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt. Awesome. 

Love spending time with my best friend. 

Miss my baby girls a ton though. 

#227

This morning I woke up and knew. Today was the day!  I have been waiting for this for over three years. Seeing my best friend after being apart for so long. Closing the final chapter in the book of HP. Having fun. 

And let me tell you, it was all worth it. 

M is still M. My crazy awesome best friend. She cracks me up like no one else can. And she gets me. We have made up for lost time to act crazy, o act like ourselves. 

Her daughter, MV, is just as awesome as ever. But older, silly girl went and grew up. Seeing her at 14 was amazing. She isn't the little girl that I said goodbye to so long ago. 

And HP was...HP. It was great. I feel like I need to watch it a few more times. 

#226

My mommy is here. The girls were so excited to see their Nana, it was awesome. I love that they get to see family now! Being in the States really does have its perks.

Another perk- driving to meet my best friend tomorrow! Oh man, I am too excited. This weekend is going to rock, no matter what we do. I cannot wait! I will be leaving in less than 12 hours...

And apparently I am a freak when it comes to my girls. I am just not good at leaving them, even if it is with their nana and their daddy. I have been away from them overnight twice, in 2.5 years. And I just don't like it! I like to kiss them good morning and good night, and a million times in between. I like to hear the crazy stuff they comme up with, watch them help one another, and feel their hands pulling me around the house as we run from 'shadows'.

So I walked my mom through our daily routine, gave her ideas to fill the time, wrote lists of things to cook, reminded her where things were in the house, wrote down M's phone number, and generally obsessed. Ma asked if I was worried to leave the girls with her. And I am not! I know she is completely capable of handlng my little squirts. Heck, she raised me and my siblings, and that was no easy task.

It is just my babies... And I am a freak when it comes to them. They are my world, and I get carried away sometimes. I just know I am going to miss them.

But believe me, I will have fun! Harry Potter in 24 hours, 20 minutes!

#225

85 degrees at 10 pm. Nice! I love the heat. The humidity sucks, but I will take it over the cold. 

Today was a not so good day, and an exciting day. My daughters were not in the best of moods ever. They woke up in bad moods and stayed that way until an hour before bedtime. There was a lot of crying, a couple tantrums, some cuddling, and a lot more crying. 

But this evening J and I picked up our new china cabinet! Well, really it is a German shrunk. 4 pieces- china cabinet, tv stand, book shelf, stereo shelf. It's nice, and we got it on Craigs List so it was way cheaper than what it should have been. It needs a little TLC but I am ok with that. Because my Polish Pottery now has a home!

It was so awesome to unpack all of my pretty stuff this evening. I got to experience my shopping trips again. And now i miss my friends all over again  One piece was broke, which makes me so sad. But one piece is better than 20! 

The day was topped off with a trip to Walmart for groceries. This trip was supposed to happen this morning. But I was not crazy enough to take my crabby kids to grocery shop. So I went all alone at 9 pm. 

It was pretty nice. 

#224

Stupid stupid blog. I was on my way to dream land when I remembered I needed to post something. Stupid blog!

Today I was thinking about this crazy Army life we lead. I love it and wouldn't change it for the world. I love my country and I love that my husband protects my country. But let's be honest.

My husband has a hard job. But so do tons of other people. He is gone a lot. As are other people. He puts his life on the line. Just like other people. So why do we feel like we are just so special. 

Truck drivers are away from home all the time. My stepdad has been driving a truck for somewhere around 20 years. He is always on the road and away from his family. 

Law enforcement officers and fire fighters put their lives on the line every day. They go to work knowing that they might not ever make it home. They are willing to sacrifice their lives for the greater good of their community and their country. 

So what really makes a military service member so special? In my heart I feel that they are special. I love the uniform, the men and women that wear it, the history behind it, and the flag that flies on the left sleeve. 

But loving this life and feeling entitled because I live this life... Those two are worlds apart. My husband's willingness to serve is admirable. It is lovely. It is a calling. But at the basic level, the bottom line, it is a job. 

You or your spouse serving in the United States military doesn't make you better than the 'civilians'. Acting that way just makes the rest of us look bad. 

#223

Instead of going to see Blake Shelton tonight, I sat on my couch and watched Harry Potter. Bummed, but it was for the best. The concert started after the girls bedtime, and they didn't take a nap. So the responsible Mom in me decided to save myself troubles. The care free Holl really wished the responsible boring chick would go away. 

This morning the girls and I went to Mass. First time in a month. Long overdue. But I have been having a hard time with the churches around here. Part of that is the differences between the new churches and St Francis. Part is the lack of welcome. And part is the fact that it just isn't my family like St Francis was. So we went to Mass this morning because we are supposed to. 

And I am glad I went. It wasn't home. No one in the congregation spoke to me. But Christ was present, and the homily was great. It was something along these lines- we are in Ordinary time, but it is not really ordinary. Our lives are, but Christ is not. We must include Christ in our every day Ordinary lives. It was really good. 

P and K were not good. They were acting up, though I know it was my fault. They haven't been to Mass in a while, so I can see why they were not sitting still. Doesn't change the fact that it drove me crazy at the time. 

#222

The girls got their first bicycles today. How exciting right? Well... Kind of. The girls were too excited to get their pink and purple bikes, and their Barbie helmets. Learning to pedal real bicycles, not so exciting. 

Those two are so like their mom, sometimes it is scary. They tried, didn't quite get it, so they got frustrated. That sounds familiar. So after a few minutes they were done. Tomorrow we will try again. 

And no, my daughters are not completely spoiled. Their birthday and Christmas are a month apart. So I think they get jipped in that department. The two major gift giving days for them are so close together. And J and I are not big gift givers. So in November and December, they get a few gifts. And throughout the year, when we want, we give them other gifts.  And this gift wasn't even from us!

While we were on our Great American Bike Search, I told J that I needed to find a way to make some money. Prostitution was not an option. We quickly decided stripping wouldn't work, either. Something that wouldn't require me to enlist the help of a day care. 

So... We talked about it. And there is something that we think might work. Let's see how it turns out...

#221

What do I want to be when I grow up?

I have been asking myself that very question for, oh, about 20+ years. And I still do not know the answer. I want to open a bakery. I want to write an amazing novel, followed by an amazing novel. I want to study history.

And it's that last one that is hanging me up. I want to study history. But that isn't exactly a career. I want to go to college and take nerdy history classes. And then...

I don't know what I want to do once I learn as much as I can... At this point I just know that I want to learn. I want to go back to school. That has been my main thought today. I want to learn.

But I don't want to leave my babies. Even though I sometimes complain about them, I want to stay at home with them. I enjoy spending my days with those two beautiful girls. And I love teaching them, and learning from them. So I don't want to do something if that something means they are in day care.

So for now, I want to be a mommy and a wife. Maybe I should take some business classes, and some history classes, online.

#220

I watched a show this afternoon about death. Not a morbid dark death show. A scientific look at the body right before and right after death.

It was interesting. Really. There were some crazy things pointed out, a few things speculated. All in all, glad I watched the show. Makes me think of "off with his head!" in a whole new light!

Before that, the girls and I went to the splash park. They loves it. Which cracks me up. Why do they love it sometimes but not others? Like really not love it sometimes.  Oh who cares. They had a blast today, and I talked to a random stranger about the Army life (she was just visiting, a civilian)

And this evening we went for a little walk. Like we used to. J, P, K and me. Out for a walk, for no reason but to walk. It was fun. My girls are just too awesome for words.

... I want to write. Ideas have been bouncing around my head all day. But I just can't get them on to paper...

#219

I really acted like a jerk today. I was Scary Mommy. I don't like being her. But those adorable daughters that I love were driving me insane. 

Really what is the deal with them and naptime? I would love for someone to make me take a nap. I would love to have nothing to do but sleep for at least an hour every afternoon. 

But no. I have to fight and yell and threaten my daughters. They are tired and desperately need that nap. But try telling them that...

The chicks not napping means I have to reevaluate my day. I have to wake up earlier, or stay busy longer. I refuse to spend my girls awake time cleaning. I am a stay at home mom because I want to be a part of their life. I don't want them to feel like I spent their childhood cleaning. 

But Mommy needs her Me time. 

And Mommy loves sleep. 

#218

My head hurts. Still. So I was a big girl and went to the doctor. Who told me he had no idea what to do for me, gave me some Motrin, and put in a referral for a neurologist. Yeah for the specialist, boo for the lack of pain relief until then. And let's b honest, it could be a long time until I see anyone. 

So, to cheer myself up, I watched Craig Ferguson's stand up. I love that guy! He just cracks me up. 

Today was the same as most of my weekend. Sit on the couch as much as possible. Be quiet. Thank the Lord for my awesome daughters and amazing husband. Sadly, tomorrow J has to go back to the real world. Which means I have to go back to the real world. Which means I am going to bed now. 

#217 (7/4/2011)

Sorry this didn't get posted last night. 

July 4th is possibly one of my favorite days of the year. A day set aside to honor my country, really what could be better than that? Maybe the declaration wasn't signed on July 4, 1776. Who cares? This day is all about my country. 

And you know, I love the laid back, BBQ with friends and family, parades, fireworks, wearing red white and blue. We get to truly enjoy the freedoms that this country provides us with. I love it. 

I love my country. I love what my country stands for. I love my country's history and how we have earned our freedoms from so many things. 

Personally my day was pretty lame. My head is getting to be pretty ridiculous. So I stayed on my couch for as much time as possible. I am done with all this. 

#216

It is so fun to see how some people don't change. They remain the same, true to theirselves, always. I love it. 

When I moved to Ft Hood, one of my first friends was MH. She is just such an awesome chick and I love her. I was there with her when her second child was born. And I had not seen her since 2006. And then we had dinner tonight! That baby that was born while I held MHs hand? Yeah he will be starting kindergarten in the fall! 

It was really great getting to see her and her family. And super really great because she lives thirty minutes away. So I know someone nearby!

Other than that, my day consisted of laying on the couch in recovery mode. Well, not really recovery because I am still dying. I hate to admit it, but I think it might be time to take my aching head to the doctor. But I don't wanna! The last time I did that, they ran tons of tests, put me on crazy amounts of medications, took me off those meds and put me on different meds. It was a horrible experience. And they never could get things right. So eventually I lied, said I was all better, and stopped going.

5 Years later, and I am still hurting.

Before I get off here to do some fun writing (yeah, that's right!) I have to share a quote. A very dear friend of mine (who announced her first pregnancy! Yeah, congrats!) shared this, and I cannot get it out of my head. It is awesome and I love it and it really makes me thankful. So here it is. "What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?"

Thank you so much SR for sharing that.

#215 (7/2/2011)

Sorry I didn't post last night. I had a killer migraine. Thanks to the husband I was able to sleep from 6:30 pm to 8:30 am. But my head is still hurting pretty bad and my muscles are so sore. 

Yesterday was an ok day. We went to a couple farmers markets. They were pretty small. But the stuff looked good, even if we didn't buy anything. One of the markets was more of a flea market with a couple people selling veggies and canned goods. There was a couple Amish at a booth. And they had a cute shelf hutch thing that I wanted. I have been searching for some type of china cabinet for my Polish pottery. I want something simple and rustic looking. All I seem to find is mass produced fancy smancy cabinets that cost a ton. But the Amish cabinet was rough and perfect. Well, it would have been perfect if it was bigger. And J wasn't a fan. So the search continues.

And the reall bright spot in the painful day: I actually did some creative writing! Oh it was so great! Who cares if it was at 2 am and I was exhausted all day because of it. I acually spent time writing something fun. Hopefully I can write some more.

#214

My head is killing me. So instead of a stellar post that I was thinking about, I get to type up something lame.

The girls have been pretty awesome with Operation No Thumb-sucking. They are doing really well, and only need reminders when they are tired or upset. With that said, they having a rough time when they get upset. And I have no clue how to help them with that. I am not so good at kicking bad habits myself. I quit smoking less than a year ago, and I eat like a starving woman to compensate for that.

So lets just say we are making progress.

And, I have officially grown up. This afternoon I went to DMV (or whatever Kentucky calls their licence place) and got a new license. That in itself does not make me an adult. I have had my license since I was 16. But now, I have an 'adult' license. Until about 4 p.m. today, my license said I was under 21! I will be 25 in a few months. I thought it was time.

So, I traded in my Texas card for a Kentucky card. And before those, I had a Missouri card. I am from California.

I guess I will always be a Gypsy at heart.