#213

Today actually felt like summer. 

The girls and I are back to healthy (well, healthy for us. Head will probably never be healthy). The sun was shining.  So we actually got to get outside and play in the sun! 

We went to the splash park and had fun! My friend J and I both planned on going separately, so we decided to meet up there. And I am so glad we did. It was great to talk to J, because she is great and because she gets me. Great conversations and sunshine. Lovely day. 

The thumb sucking today was not bad either. The morning was a rocky start to an ok day. They had a few slip ups, but when they were reminded, they stopped right away. 

I am really happy with how well they are doing... Though we are not tackling nap time or bedtime thumb sucking at this time...

#212

Man, it is so weird. Things that drove me crazy a few months ago are not a big deal. Like grocery shopping. I used to dread that task, with or without my girls. But lately, grocery shopping is not even a big deal at all. 

Today we went shopping and it was fun. P and K helped me remember stuff on my list. They counted the fruits and veggies as I bagged them. They loaded stuff onto the belt. They called out everything the cashier scanned. 

Thy were great. 

And let me tell you, that is saying a lot. Today was also D-Day. Operation No Thumb-sucking started this morning. Wow!

Ok, background. When P and K were baby babies, they were pacifier girls. Then, at about 14ish months, they decided their thumbs were better. So, they have been devoted to their thumbs for over a year. And I mean devoted. Especially since the move. So now that things have calmed down, we are going to try to kick this habit. 

Baby steps. Every hour that they go without sucking their thumbs, they get a sticker or a little treat. We will be working our way up to longer times and better rewards. But I have to say, this first day was pretty great. The girls were really great about it. They even reminded each other. "sis, we don't suck our thumbs." 

They are so amazing. 

P.S. My head. Seriously. Ouch. 

#211

Why does my marriage, my life, have to be so exhausting?

I am tired of the circle of arguments and pettiness. It is always the same arguments and the same little peeves that go round and round in this house. 

I am just tired. 

I love the man, which is why he gets under my skin like no one else can. It is why we have the same arguments. It is why I want to scream, and often do, but why I stay to do it. 

Gah. Marriage and adulthood. So overrated. 

Ok, not overrated. I love my life and the man I get to spend my life with. But man does he test me. 

Good news, I reserved the hotel room for the HP event! Tickets are bought, hotel is waiting for us. 16 days until I am hanging with my best friend and her awesome daughter. Yeah!

#210

Max went to the vet today. His hip is pretty much useless. The vet said he has almost no muscle, and she thinks his joint is messed up. The only thing we can try is steroids, and that is only a temporary fix. 

Which means I will soon have to think about my baby boy going to doggie heaven. The dog I got when I was fifteen is old and can hardly walk. Now I have to consider quality of life and who will help him walk outside. Damn it, this isn't fair. 

Max is supposed to be here for me for a few more years. He is supposed to chase the girls around the house when they get home from their first day of kindergarten. When my husband leaves for his training exercises and schools and deployments, Max is supposed to be waiting for me at home for some extra cuddles. 

He is not supposed to be hurting and stumbling and breaking my heart. 

This medicine better help him. There is no other option- for Max's hip or my heart. 

#209

My baby boy Max is not doing good. He seems like he doesn't have any control of his back legs or his hips. His hind legs cross when he walks, or the buckle completely. It is breaking my heart. 

He doesn't seem to be in too much pain, oddly enough. He isn't whimpering at least. Just staying still a whole lot more than usual. 

He has had hip issues for a while. He is almost 9, he is a German Shepherd. Not shocking that his hips aren't perfect. But last night, the boys were running and playing out back. J said they pretty much had a head on collision. And that is when he started to act lame. 

I guess a trip to the vet office is needed. 

And just when my daughters were starting to feel better. Really! If my boy wasn't so broken it would be funny. 

My newest niece was born late last night. Pretty awesome, huh? It is awesome. However, I am pretty sad about how I was informed. I found out through a text message. My sister had a beautiful, healthy baby girl. I got a text to prove it. 

I know that makes me sound like a jerk. Because it is jerky of me. But I am so utterly tired of feeling like I am not really a part of my family. Really, I have been in the States for almost two months, and I can count the number of times my four siblings have called me. It's less than ten. Combined. 

Remember when we were close?

#208

My daughters are best friends. They love each other and really love playing together. Really, I swear. 

They are best friends. And best friends fight. Today, P and K went to the mat. Repeatedly. All day. 

Ugh. So I yelled and punished and wanted to cry myself. And my jerk husband was off riding his new four wheeler. Jerk!

Ok, I was mad at him for going and having fun when A, he has barely been home this week and B, I desperately needed a break. But he got a pass because A, he hasn't had any fun time in a while and B, he really needed to take his new toy for a spin. Really, no sarcasm. He showed way more self control than I would have. Could you imagine me buying a book and not reading it for over 2 weeks?! 

And then, poor guy.  His friend that went with him couldn't find his helmet, so they had to come back here to get mine. The skies opened up with an amazing downpour. His new toy needs to be worked on. And his friend crashed hard. Poor guy!

And then, because he got to unwind, and I was in the nice wife role, J and I were friends. Love him. And I love that we had pizza for dinner!  Sausage and green peppers makes me happy, just in case you want to file that little tidbit away!

#207

The highlight of my day was making my meal plan for the week. 

That clearly says two thing to me. 1, I have no life. 2, I am starving. But damn it's a good meal plan! Corned beef with potatoes and carrots, enchiladas, fried egg sandwiches, my dad's grilled chicken recipe... Oh man I cannot wait to eat all that. 

Note to self, a bowl of cheerios for dinner + watching Food network before bed = omg I am so hungry my stomach is trying to eat itself. 

Ok, enough food talk. I actually accomplished something today. K was in a total fever sleep, and I think P wad just bored. So I had about 90 minutes to clean my house and do some more organizing in my room. Nice! Now our room is officially box free. My closet is almost completely organized. Please just excuse the pile of clothes that I need to get rid of, the pile of clothes to still sort through... And really, just block out J's closet, because it I'd just horrid. 

Wait, who is J?? That guy that kisses me goodbye at 5am (not that I really notice!) and then shows up again after the girls are asleep? His name is J? Hmmm. 

And yes, K is still sick. If she isn't doing better tomorrow, I guess I will have to take her in. Hopefully tonight is the magic night. 

#206

Before I had my girls, I got a great parenting tip. I have no idea where it came from. Maybe it was in a book, or on a show, maybe a friend told me. The messenger is lost, but the message isn't. 

Act like you are always being filmed 

In the last couple years, there have been so many times that I have been grateful that no one was filming me. I am not a perfect mom, not even a little. And there are some times when I am a horrible mom. 

And then there are times when I do an ok job. Today I think I did an ok job. And that little parenting tip was running through my brain all day. 

Try it. Pretend you are part of a reality show when you discipline your children, when you watch tv, when you and just being you at home. It's pretty interesting how you change your attitude with that little trick. 

P.S. Still battling the fever monster. When will this end?!

#205

So I started reading The Hunger Games today. A few friends had recommended the series, and they were the friends I actually trust for good books! So I got it last time I was at the library and started it today.

Wow, I am getting sucked in to it! And as I write this, I am wondering why! It's not a book I would generally be drawn to. But after a few hours, i find myself nearing the midpoint. And I want to get off here and read some more, even though it is approaching midnight. And I have a feverish child.

Yep, still have a feverish child. My little K girl is burning up. You know when someone has a fever, and it hurts you to touch them? Like their body heat scorches you... Yeah, that's K right now. Poor thing just woke up crying for a glass of water. Breaks my heart.

Definitely one of the worst parts of this job- my babies hurting.

#204

I got my hair cut. First time in 9ish months. And it feels good so far. So light!  I have crazy thick hair, so sometimes the weight of my hair really does bother me. But not now!

It's short, but not as short as I was thinking I wanted it. The chick cutting it was almost acting scared to cut it short. I told her 3 times to cut it shorter. After that, I started wondering if she thought I looked like an idiot with short hair, so I just went with it!  Tomorrow I will play with it and see what I think. Who knows, I might go back in and have her take more off. 

J likes it, or so he says. It is hard to actually tell right now, because it dried on it's own, aka it's looking crazy! P, my girly girl, kept staring at my hair in amazement. "mommy has new hair!". 

And my poor little K. This afternoon she woke up early from her nap with an exploding pull-up. That broke her heart. I really didn't think too much of it until she laid with me in the couch and I could feel her burning up. After dinner (i went to get my hair cut, J stayed with the girls) K had an accident in her panties. that hasn't happened for hecka long.  And her fever hadn't gone down. Same crazy fever, different daughter. But P didn't have bathroom issues... 

All I know is I have a sick baby girl. Again. And I don't like it. 

#203

I kind of have nothing to say today. I had things I needed to do, but I didn't. I got some chillax time- real chill, not 'I'm laying on the couch with a sick kid/headache'. That was nice.

But I am not a stay at home kind of girl. Really, not a homebody. I need to get out and do something fun. Meet people, who cares if they think I'm crazy or weird.

So I need to look for something fun to do.

Plus side, P and K had fun. We really were sick most of last week. And the week before that we were in Missouri. So it was pretty fun for the girls to actually stay at home and play with their toys, use their sidewalk chalk, climb on their couch, and run around their yard.

Oh, and I think I will be chopping my hair off. I am just done with it I think. Maybe I should give up the long hair Holly of the past.

I had long hair most of my life. Long long hair. And then, summer of 2006, I donated a foot of hair to Locks of Love. Since then I have had short hair, shortish hair, medium length hair. I want long hair, but when I grow it out I want to cut it...

Stupid girl brain.

#202

Hello, Cloud 9!!

I just bought tickets for my best friend, her daughter, and myself to see HP! Ah!

Ok, way too excited to see the last Harry Potter movie. I love them. But let me tell you, the really exciting thing is seeing M! Literally haven't seen her since May 1, 2008 when she drove J and I to DFW to fly to Germany. That is way too long to go without seeing your best friend.

I am so excited!! 25 days!! Ah, you have no idea how stoked I am!

Other that that amazingness, today was a good day. J got to plan our day, every decision was his. First thing, we gave him his gifts. There were things I got before we left Germany. A metal calender with a hefeweizen glass on it; sounds lame but it is something he hecka wanted. And a cute little magnet for the fridge, because it cracked me up. He was happy, the girls were happy to give him something.

We went out to eat, like every other family in the world, for Dad's Day. J wanted wings, like every other dad. So we went to Buffalo Wild Wings. last time we ate there was in Tx; its been a while! And I gotta say, we were both pretty amazed at how much we weren't thrilled. The music was hecka loud, the girls weren't impressed, we felt like it was all a bit much. But we ate there, so check that off the list!

And it was another example of just how much we have changed since we last lived in the States. Life as the parents of two daughters has definitely changed us. For the better, for sure.

Those two precious girls were pretty great today. I just love them. Even though sometimes I want to run away, I know I am right where I need to be.

How did I get so lucky??

#201

I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to take time before I crawl in to bed to tell the world (or more accurately, the 2 people that read this) about my thoughts and my feelings. About my day. About my failings and my missteps. I don't want to take the time to pour myself in to the crazy world of cyberspace when I get nothing in return.

I am not learning anything. I am not feeling fulfilled. I am just not...

I havent written anything creative in 2 months. I haven't felt like I have been enlightened by hindsight. I do t think my parenting or marriage styles have improved. I am still overweight and lazy. Definitely not thinking this was a good idea.

And that's the thing. There is no one that is making me do this. There is no one to hold me accountable to finish this. Just me. And it would be great to finish something for a change.

So here is another day. I woke up and immediately put on my mommy hat. A while later I put on my disgruntled wife hat. I was a cook, a comforter, a disciplinarian, a smart ass, a doctor and a patient. I went through this day with struggles and a few smiles.

Very few smiles.

#200

200!!!!! Two hundred! In that many days! Yeah, that makes me pretty happy. I am proud of myself, go me!

But really today sucked. My head continues to pound, make me nauseated and all that jazz. P is still sick, her fever is only controlled if we keep the meds flowing. So we will be going to the hospital tomorrow. Oh yeah, and my husband bought a Hummer.

Seriously.

Ok, the payments and the interest rate for the loan is all lower than his Caliber. But come on! A Hummer??? Yep. Im not gonna lie, I was pretty ticked at first. Who wouldn't be?! But now, I have reached the 'I don't give a S***' phase. Whatever dude. Enjoy your new toy.

Ok that's a lie. I am still pretty ticked, but also don't care. Does that make sense? I am ticked, though about something so petty and childish. He picked the caliber. Brand new, 6 speed, what he wanted. I agreed, with the stipulation that the next new car was mine- whatever I wanted, price not an issue.

Yeah, right. Let me introduce to mrs cheapo here. So when I started looking for a car, I looked for a cheap one, nothing flashy. Just a simple car that we could afford and would get me and the chicks around.

And J got a hummer.

Ugh.

But back to me- 200 posts! Yeah! (only 165 more!)

#199

So today was a 'mom with a sick kid' day. Which means I spent the whole day in jogging shorts, with no intention of jogging, and administered grape and cherry medicine all day. P's fever shoots up to 103 as soon as the meds think about waring off. It is no fun having a sick kid.

It is really no fun when your healthy child is feeling left out, and sad, and wants to play. It's one of those times that being a mom is hard. You want to cuddle your sick one, but you want to play with your healthy one... And I am sure I probably always do the wrong thing!

Other than that, my day was.. Ok really that was my day. While they both tried to nap, I sat on the couch and tried to make my world stop spinning. Really tired of this headache-ness. Of course J is working, and will be sleeping part of tomorrow. I will probably be taking P to the clinic. So no sign of a break for my splitting scull.

Dang it!

I cannot believe it is already Thursday night. I really cannot believe it is June 16th. Where had the week gone? Where has the last month and a half gone? It feels like I was hanging with my Schweinfurt friends yesterday...

#198

I spent a couple hours at the urge t care clinic with my girls today. P is sick. And normally I would have waited it out. But A. She didn't want to eat her banana, for P that is unheard of. And B. Our insurance is wonky because if the move ( and because of J) so she wouldn't be able to see a dr for a couple weeks. 

I guess I should start with our insurance. We were enrolled in Overseas, for obvious reasons. We need to be enrolled in... Uh, whatever region I currently reside in. I thought J had changed it. He hadn't. Fun. So this morning, with my baby girls fever climbing, her cough getting worse, and her complete lack of appetite... We went to get our enrollment stuff fixed. First to the office. Then the hospital. And since I was there and she was looking horrid, we stopped at the clinic. 

After a couple hours, a couple Otter Pops, a nap, and some meds, we went home. They aren't sure what her deal is. Keep an eye on her, bring her back in if she gets worse. 

All of this while my head tried to explode. However, my little K was absolutely awesome through the crazy wait times and her sis being sick. K was singing to entertain me, coloring so I could hold P, and just being a great girl. 

Really. What is the deal with my head? I have gotten so many really bad headaches/migraines since we moves to KY. Why??? I am dying here. Looks like I might need to go back to a neurologist when we get settled. 

Now it is 1930, the girls are asleep. J and I are going to bed as well. 

Good. Night. 

#197

Ok, I am officially over this phase. 

(please allow me to be crybaby-ish. I'm in a mood.)

I feel like I am having serious issues adjusting to this new place. Because I don't have friends here yet. And because I don't know where I fit in. 

 And the worst part is that I have no desire to get out there and start fitting in. I don't want to meet new people and get to know them. I don't want to find out where I belong. I don't want to deal with the weird looks because I say some oddball thing. 

I just want to magically 'belong'. Ok?  Make it happen. 

Because staying in my pj's all day is sounding so very tempting...

P.S. I made some orange pineapple cupcakes. Quite impressed with myself, even if J wasn't a fan of the pineapple frosting. 

#196

I broke my daughters heart today. While I was helping her go potty, I knocked her 'princess headband' (aka her Hello Kitty tiara) off her head. I apologized and helped her put it back on. Thought nothing if it. Until I walked into the living room and saw my baby girl looking like someone had run over her dog. I ask what is wrong, like any good mother would. 

"You hurt my feelings. I'm sad." can you hear the utter heartbreak?! part of me wanted to laugh. But let's be honest, I was so sad that I had hurt my baby! And let me tell you, she was sad. For at least ten minutes. I know ten minutes doesn't sound bad. But she is two and a half. Ten minutes to her is like a day to us. 

So yeah. I hurt my daughter's feelings. And I really did feel horrible about it. 

And through all this, her sister was her best friend. Which was pretty cool to see. 

#195

I am in a bad mood. 

I haven't felt too good today. I am irritated at the littlest things. I am tired. So instead of being 'Best mom and wife' I was a jerk. 

But I was a jerk that made cookies. Bonus points for that?

Tomorrow will be better. It will. 

#194

And, we are back at Ft Campbell. 

The drive here took one hour longer than it should have. Yeah for construction. Not. That extra hour killed me, just because my mind was set on being home in six hours. 

On this drive I also came to the conclusion that being a mom has completely ruined my driving skills. I am less focuses on the road when my baby girls are in the car. I am constantly looking back, or reaching back. Not so good for my driving skills. 

Before I left Missouri, I met with a friend for lunch. K and I met in Germany when our husbands were in the same unit. Then, we moved back to the states within a week of each other. So we understand each others current state of mind. And we understand each other in general- both of us have our little quirks, and we both have plenty to say. 

It was great to see her. 

And now we are home. While we were gone, J thought it was a great idea to spend money. Really. He bought a 4 wheeler. And a new PS3. 

Ugh. I love that man. 

#193

I am tired. 

My girls stayed up late last night, woke up at their normal time, and didn't take a nap. They are tired. And so am I!

Today was a chill day. We just stayed at Ma's. I made taco pizza for dinner and fruit pizza for dessert. Both were huge hits with my family here. And both made me pretty happy. 

I miss my husband. Not in a " omg I hate that we are apart and I can't wait to see him again" way. Just in a "I love him and I am really happy with my life and I want to hang with my hubs" way. Know what I mean?

We are apart all the time. We are good at the missing thing. But it makes me a little happy that we miss each other when we are apart. Because we like each other that much. Pretty great. 

So I am trying to decide: head home tomorrow or Sunday? If we leave tomorrow, we have Sunday with J. But my stepdad might be home tomorrow, so it would be great to see him.. I will decide in the morning!

#192

My baby girls are pretty great. 

Today they weren't perfect or anything. They were just their normal little selves. A little sassy, a lot of smarts. Sweet and loving and bossy and beautiful. 

I have just found myself stopping and really enjoying their personalities today. Not sure what is so special about today, but I will take it! 

I went out to eat with a couple friends that I haven't seen for years. K and P stayed with their nana and cousins. They had a blast and got to stay awake way past their bedtime.

 I had a blast too. Yummy food and amazing company. It's really funny- I remember feeling so out of place in high school. But I guess I wasn't so different after all. Because I have so pretty fun friends from this place. And it was great to see them. 

But the second I got in my car and headed home, all I wanted was a cuddle with my baby girls. 

#191

I keep finding myself on Memory Lane. I haven't been to Missouri since 2007. But for some reason, I feel like this trip has been occupied with my high school days. 

I remember driving down that road with that person. I remember going here with that group. I remember sitting here talking to her, about him. I just keep remembering. 

Weird. But great. 

I am good at remembering the crappy things about Missouri. When you are 15 and your mom moves you from awesome California to middle of nowhere Missouri, you think everything is horrible. And then I left a couple days after I graduated high school. So I had a ton of not pleasant things to remember. 

But in the two days I have been here, I have come across the nice side of Memory Lane, the gated community.  I laughed  here and loved here. I acted crazy and had some good times. I stuck out like a sore thumb and somehow managed to fit in with a few people before I left. And I still have friends to come back to. 

Maybe seven years is the perfect time distance to look back with rose colored glasses. 

#190

I was able to spend a few hours catching up with my closest high school friend. How great is that? Seven years after high school, and I still think she is great. We haven't seen each other since January 2008. So it was so awesome to chat. And our kids were able to play together! That was pretty great. 

I have missed talking with my friends. Face to face talking. It was so nice to be able to do that today. M is one of those people that you really feel lucky to have met. 

My brother also came home today! We haven't seen each other in a long time. So it was great to see him. 

My children are driving me a little bit crazy. I love them to pieces and they are having a ton of fun. They love their cousins and love playing and all that stuff. They are having such a great time that they are sleeping like crap. 

No nap. They went to sleep 90 minutes later than they usually do. And I had to actually stay in the room until they fell asleep. That is so not cool. 

Hopefully I can completely exhaust them tomorrow!

#189

Hello from Missouri. The girls and I got to Ma's this afternoon. J is back at Ft Campbell, because he has a job. Lame. We miss him. 

So yeah, we woke up early and got on the road. A few hours later, we got to St Louis. Our car was whole. It didn't fall in to the ocean. The people working at the processing center didn't break it. I am happy with that!

And I am happy to be here with my family. Ma, my sister in law, and 2 nephews and 1 niece. My brother will be here tomorrow. My girls are having so much fun with their cousins. Love it. 

What I didn't love was driving on the interstate. And going 70 mph. And having people drive on the passing lane. And did I mention I didn't like driving 70 mph?  

Speed limits are annoying. Really, having to pay attention to my speedometer takes my attention away from the road. It is way safer to drive faster and focus on the road. Really!

#188

I am pretty excited. In about 10 hours, I will be leaving on my first American road trip in over three years! Woop! And I will be going to Missouri! I haven't been there since summer 2007. Should be fun!

We are going to St Louis to pick up our car. J's car. Our car that we bought in 2008. Our Dodge. The car J will be driving. Whatever you want to call it! That car is in St Louis. And we are picking it up tomorrow. J will be driving back to Ft Campbell, and the girls and I will be continuing on to Ma's house.

So, today I went to the store to buy snacks and drinks. I made a few desserts for J, since he will be home without his Suzy Homebaker. Strawberry ice cream, and cookies and cream ice cream. I also made homemade poptarts. I rock, huh? Well, I hope I rock. The ice cream is waiting to be tested. And the tarts... Well, they were ok. I have some doctoring to do. The recipe called for way too much butter. But stupid me continued with the recipe, and I regreted it. Next time, I will cut a lot of that out. But it was a good base camp!

I want my own bakery. Really. It's not too much to ask, is it? I want to be surrounded by all the tools I need and tons of sugar. Who wants to plant my money tree?!

#187

Montgomery gentry's song "lucky man" came on the radio today. I really cannot remember the last time I had heard that song. It's a good one. One part says "I got some buddies who would be here fast, I can call them any time of day. I've got a brother who's got my back. Got a mama who I swears a saint. "and when I heard that today, I thought that was so right on. 

My friends may be scattered from California to New York, Texas to Bavaria. But when I need them, they are there for me. And my brothers love their baby sis like only big brothers can. 

I needed that reminder today. My friends all feel so far away. In less than 40 days I will see the bestest (ahhhh!) but she is still too far away. And who knows when I will see G again. Making new friends when you are 24, married, and a mommy is a pain. 

But no matter what, my friends are there for me, no matter where 'there' is. 

On a completely different note- eating in restaurants in the States can be pretty annoying! Don't get me wrong, it's awesome. We missed it so much when we couldn't have it. But tonight, I saw things that made me miss German dining. Crazy, I know!

Out waitress was great. She was friendly, and helpful, and attentive. Too attentive! I am used to my waitresses spending about two seconds asking what I want to eat and drink, and then not seeing them again until I ask for the check. So not the case here! I almost felt rushed. No, that's not right. I DID feel rushed. 

And this couple that was sitting beside us... They were also very nice. Again, it's weird that they spoke English! But the lady was on her phone almost the whole time. Another chick sitting close to us was texting the whole meal instead of speaking to her mom. Really?

I know, people do that kind of thing all the time. That is the new normal. This is a plugged in society. Blah, whatever. It is irritating. Stop talking on the phone and start talking to the person you are with. Please. 

But please, don't say "mommy, I farted. I need to poop!" loud enough for the whole restaurant to hear. Love my children!

#186

Not sure what happened... I posted last night but only one weird sentence was actually published. Let's try again.

Here we go again. Another day, another blog. Another opportunity to show off my mad writing skills. Or not.

Today was another day. I played the mom role.The wife role. The new girl, the shopper, the gardener. I really wish I had something exciting to tell you.

I feel like m 'writing skills' are on a really really really long sabbatical. Not cool.

#185

For the last few years, I have felt like "there has to be something more." Being a wife and mother and house cleaner was not all there was to my life.

I wanted to jump out of a plane. I wanted to write an award winning novel. I wanted to be a world renowned baker. I wanted to travel the world, sail the seas, and climb to the highest peaks. I wanted to be respected for my talents and loved for my flaws.

And I still want some of those things.

But now I realize that those things are just things. There is more to life than being a mom and wife. There is being a phenomenal mommy, and a heart stopping wife. Because I am not 'just' anything. I am making a difference, every day, in the lives of so many people. I show my daughters every day that there is a fantastic world out there, and everything in it is within their reach. And every day I love a man that loves me back. Warts and all.

When I was in high school, I had an amazing teacher. One of those adults that makes a teenager feel like she matters. One of those teachers that stays with you forever. Mrs S really inspired me. And, of course, over the years I forgot about her inspiration. But I was thinking of her today, as I was dreaming my big dreams.

She used to tell us we would never be 'just a' anything. If we were going to be a doctor, we would be the best doctor in the world. And if we were going to work at McDonald's, then we would be the best burger flipper in the world. We would never be 'just a'. And I loved her for that.

I just forgot about that truth while living my every day life. Because my dreams are dreams, and they are an important part of life.

But my life is more important than my dreams.

I am not 'just a wife and mom'. I am the best wife and mother in the world.

#184

It is probably wrong that I am so excited about a ball of dough. Oatmeal bread dough. Homemade, from scratch. Currently rising nice and slow in my fridge. It better be as good as I am thinking it will be!

Making that ball was my evening entertainment. That and looking for a good donut recipe. I have been wanting donuts like there is no tomorrow. Now, I could easily drive to a donut shop. But they are expensive, I am cheap, sharing a car with a guy that always works is a little trying, and I love to bake. So there. Thankfully, M sent me a recipe. I will be trying that out!

Other than my baking antics, today was eh. J has CQ. Again. So the chicks and I just played at home.

We are experiencing a heat wave. 90+ degrees. Ahahaha! Wow! For the last 3 years I have been freezing my ass off. So I am enjoying the heat.

Now I am going to bed, to dream about my future bakery that I have right next to my writing studio...!