#305

Hey, guess what. Today is Friday. Crazy, because all day I was thinking it was Saturday. And all day I kept reminding myself it was not Saturday, because I have plans for tomorrow. But I still tried to watch SNL. 

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I am losing my mind. 

Today was a day filled with sassy girls, sheer exhaustion, and a little baking. 

The chicks are just so cute in their attitudes. Exhibit A: in my hometown, the Six Flags killer whale's name is Shuka. P and K love that whale and still talk about the show, almost 2 months later. Today, we sat down to watch Free Willy. I had a little argument with them about whales. It is not a whale, it is a Shuka. No, Shuka is the name of a whale. Insert annoyed snotty look. Oi. 

Then, we had a discussion about the sun rising and setting. It was 9 am and I was informed that the sun was going down and it was getting dark. Nope, Love, the sun is rising. Again with the annoyed snotty look. So we talked about the path of the sun, east and west, night and day. And J and I decided that I will not homeschool and we will definitely pray for their future teachers. 

When nap time came around, I passed out on the couch. I was out for a good 2 hours. Thankfully, J was home because the girls didn't nap as well as Mommy. So what is the deal with this complete tiredness? I am fine one minute, then drained the next. Adult onset narcolepsy?!

The nap paid off though. I had enough energy to bake pumpkin bars and whip up some cream cheese frosting. They smell lovely, and will surely taste awesome. I will find out tomorrow while I am getting my yard sale on. 

#304

My neurologist rocks. He cracked me up today. We started talkig about California and the crazy people there. He was great. And he gave me new drugs. Hopefully they work!

My little children didn't quite rock today. K was acting like she didn't feel good. No idea what was going on with her, she was just not acting like herself. And P kept saying she didn't feel good, but she wouldn't say what was wrong. I am thinking the weird twin brain kicked in: one of them was not feeling quite right and the freaky twin thing kicked in so they both felt bad.

So while I had to get my prescription filled, they were acting like fools. Then they ended up taking a nap when I told them to go to their room and calm down.

Oh yay my life is so exciting!

#303

This morning I woke up early and made English muffin bread. I do not like to wake up early. But it was totally worth it! That bread was delish! And the recipe makes two loaves, so one is in the freezer for later. That makes me happy!

A, this really cool chick here, came over for a while with her kiddos. We all had fun. The mommies got to talk, which is so nice to do. The girls loved having friends over! They were so sad when everyone went home and kept asking for their friends to come back. And for some strange reason my girls were calling A's kids their cousins. Silly girls. 

This afternoon I went to walmart for a couple things. And while I was walking around, I found the greatest thing ever!! Canned pumpkin! Every time I go to the store lately, I am on the lookout for pumpkin. I cannot wait to bake up some yumminess. But so far, I have been striking out. Until today. Of course, I got 3 cans. And have already decided to make pumpkin bars, maple pumpkin cheesecake, pumpkin bread, and possibly pumpkin soup. 

Yay!

Do you have a favorite pumpkin recipe?

#302

So, Berkeley is awesome. Yes, the college. 

Everyone thinks hippies and special brownies and hemp sandals when they hear Berkeley. However, like everything in Cal, there is more to it than you think. 

I am so happy with what these college students are doing. The republican group on campus hosted a bake sale today to draw attention to a state bill regarding Affirmative Action. #1, I am not a fan of AA. #2, I am a Republican. So:

This Cal bill is kind of just opening a nasty door, saying we can judge people based on their race, sex, ethnicity, geographic area, and 'other things'. Really? That is ok?

I think not. And this group agreed with me.

They had a bake sale today to get people talking about the bill. And to show how unfair the bill is, they based the prices on the customer's race. White males paid the most. Asian, native American, black, males paid less, and women paid even less. 

"How rude! What does my race have to do with a cupcake?!" exactly! Your race doesn't have a damn thing to do with anything, my friend. Which is why I have issues with AA. My boobs do not make me more important than anyone, and my white skin does not make me less deserving. 

So yeah, I think it is really cool that this college campus, which is so often thought of as liberal, is in the news for something that is so not liberal thinking. 

Another story that is annoying me is the talk about Chris Christie. I really do not know much about him. But it is just plain wrong to talk about the man's weight when you are discussing his ability to play the political game. How is it ok to make jokes and discriminate against a large white man, but not ok when that man is skinny and black?? Judging by size is just as wrong as judging by color. 

Come on, don't you people realize how stupid it was to vote based on appearances?! 

#301

How was my mint jelly? 

Awesome!! So awesome that I was confident and made jalapeño jelly this afternoon. I didn't eat that one, since I don't like jalapeños! But J likes it, and it is my best friend's recipe. So I am calling it a success. 

Before my successful afternoon in the kitchen, the girls and I went to the library. Story and craft time, like last week. And the girls enjoyed it as much this week as they did last week. Yay! This week we read a story about a monster, made a monster craft, and checked out Monsters, Inc. Fun!

While I was getting my awesomeness on in the kitchen, the girls watched Monsters. And they liked it. So much so that P was super upset when Boo said goodbye to Sully. My emotional little girl!

So even though my chicks were a little on the whiney side, my husband got home late and is currently snoring, and my kitchen refuses to clean it self, today was a good day.

#300

Three hundred!!!!!

I am so proud of myself right now. Seriously, I rock!!!! 300 down, 65 to go. Damn!

It kind of sucks that today is #300 though. Because I am tired and not feeling very cohesive. So here is a few random thoughts for the day.

This morning, the Gospel reading was a good one, and the homily was good too. And it hit a nerve with me. It was really about saying yes to your calling and actually meaning yes. Do what you are supposed to do. That type of thing. It was a good homily, though I am not making it sound so great.

I made jelly tonight. Well, possibly I made jelly. I guess we will find out tomorrow if it turned out right. But hopefully I made jelly. Mint, from my garden. How cute is that? I am not feeling confident in my preparation though. This is my first attempt, so who knows how it will turn out.

I saw there was an article about our president fund raising for his campaign. And I didn't read it. Possibly because I am not a fan. Possibly because I think the president should be focused on the current job at hand. Hmm, raise money to spend on yourself to keep your job OR do your current job and get our country out of debt. Oh the difficult choices you must face.

Did you know there is milk made from hemp? How cool is that! Hemp is such an awesomely diverse plant. I am totally going to become a hemp farmer. Sounds like a plan!

I am drained. The last few days I have been totally wiped out. Possibly because I am not sleeping so well

Goodnight.

#299

I remember this cool thing I used to do. It was all about me, my subconscious, and my pillow. Oh the fun we had! Sleeping in on a Saturday, like every American adult hopes to do. It is fantastic and lovely and so enjoyable. Now, I have early bird princesses. And an early bird husband, so things usually work out well. Except when said husband forgets he is an early bird and stays up late Friday night.

I really do not like seeing Saturday mornings. But I love my smiling girls and their early morning happiness. Saturday morning cartoons aren't that great though. One cartoon was talking about poop. "Mommy, there's dinosaur poop on tv!" Seriously? Then all day we heard 'my dogs poop, too. Everybody poops!' Yes, Lovey, everyone poops.

We watched a National Geographic special on the 3 Big Cats: tigers, lions, and leopards. K picked it to watch and we all liked it. Pretty interesting stuff, like the difference between our jaw muscle to brain size ratio compared to a big cat. We have tiny baby muscles used to control our jaws but we have big brains- even though some people talk more than they think! Tigers, lions, and leopards are the opposite, big jaw muscles to eat with and little brains because they don't think about much but eating!

They also talked about the 'liger'. It's mommy was a tiger, daddy was a lion. They obviously didn't get it on in the wild! And I kind of had a problem with that. It is just another example of people messing with things we don't need to mess with. Mating the DNA of two different species to make a 'supercat'- just to say you made a supercat. So it will be bigger. Bigger isnt always better!

Before we watched this show I told J that same thing- bigger isnt always better! That was during our discussion/argument about our future. I told J he should raise grass fed, hormone free cattle. Emphasis on he. I told him I would agree to live in the middle of nowhere if there was a productive, ecofriendly purpose. But let's be honest, me in the middle of nowhere and surrounded by cows?!

#298

I feel like I have hit a very solid brick wall. I was feeling fine today, and then BAM! I am freaking exhausted, crazy exhausted. So this will be short. 

MCCW was ok. I really do like the group, and really like some of the ladies. But I am not so thrilled about the lack of organization. I don't understand why some things are done the way they are done, and why other things are not done at all. Over dinner I talked to J about it and he said what I was thinking- I cannot complain about anything unless I am willing to change it. So am I?

I tried changing things with the girls and that didn't work out so well for me! This week we have replaced naptime with quiet/movie time. This meant no more afternoon fights, but tired girls around 6. I cannot call it a win, but I am not sure if I lost either. 

But today they desperately needed a nap. K even asked for her bed. So they took a 90 minute nap. Awesome. Until bedtime came and they didn't go to sleep. 

No nap=cranky tired kids 90 minutes before bedtime. 

Nap=hyper kids 90 minutes after naptime.  

Which all means there is no hope for the mommy and daddy! 

*I say 90 minutes, but that is just way easier to type repeatedly than 'anywhere from one hour to three hours'. That, sadly applies to all '90 minute' references. 

Goodnight. 

#297

At lunchtime this afternoon, we were playing outside. Instead of eating 'real food' that I made, I was eating an orange donut, aka an orange sidewalk chalk egg that my baby girls 'made' for me. Way better than anything in the world! 

I know I say it all the time, but I have to say it again. My daughters are awesome. They are fun and smart and sassy. They jump up and dance the minute they hear music. And while we were outside, they were singing songs, making up the words as they went along. So freaking cute!

Overall, today was a pretty great 'mom' day. Even though we had an issue with markers (all over my child's arms- early tattoos?!) and they were sassy, they were great. And I kept my cool. And let's be honest here, that made all the difference. Because two year olds, especially mine, are pretty predictable in their attitudes. My attitude and my actions are the variables in the situation. So today was a good day for us. A really good day. 

And to make my really good day just that much better, my husband rocks. J and I are not big gift givers. He has never done the 'I just got you this because...'thing. And that is so ok with me. But this evening, he had a gift for me, just because. It was an awesome gift that I have been wanting for a couple years now! A red belt buckle that says 'Cocky'- think Agent Booth on Bones. I am so loving it! Even though money is tight right now, I am happy he got it for me. Because he got it for me. And I am trying not to be the crazy obnoxious wife. 

And my new belt buckle rocks. 

#296

All morning, I had that annoying 'I'm forgetting something' feeling. Since my daughters and dogs were accounted for, I figured whatever I was forgetting wasn't too important. It just annoys me when I get that feeling. 

It was after lunch that I remembered what I had forgotten. MOPS. I was going to check it out this morning. They meet every other Wednesday, or something like that. And this morning was the first opportunity I have had to attend. But I didn't remember in time. So, we will try again in a couple weeks. 

I really did want to attend. Mainly for the girls- a little for me too. I am getting to the point where I feel like they have suffered a lot with this move. it has been almost 5 months, and they still do not have a solid group of kids to interact with. Moving here at the start of summer, traveling, not finding a group we feel comfortable with... Thank goodness they have each other...

That thought process, and some things going on with J, were so to blame for my dream last night. I dreamt that J came home with orders. For us to move. Again. After less than 6 months. In the dream, this was a good and bad thing- because of the circumstances. In reality, if it were to happen, the circumstances would make it a great thing and an indifferent thing. Indifferent because we haven't really put roots down yet. I don't even know my neighbors or anyone from J's company. So moving wouldn't be that hard at this point. It would be annoying though! 

Gotta love dreams. 

#295

I am really conflicted in my feelings today.

I feel that I am called to be a stay at home mom. My daughters deserve to have the attention and love of their mother and not a paid worker. I will stay at home as long as I need to/can. I also feel that I am called to be a wife, so my daughters are not my one and only concern. I try to find a balance- every once in a while I succeed.

I also do not feel the need to be busy. You know, volunteering for A, B, and C, attending 4 playgroups, teaching the dog 50 new tricks, and making a five star gourmet meal- from scratch- every day. Yes, I want my daughters to be well rounded people. But I also want to teach them the value of a lazy day and time management. It is in the stillness that you hear the important things.

But I do not feel like I am good at this life. Sometimes I fail at being a good mom/wife/person. I lose my cool way too quickly and too often. And it sometimes feels like I would be able to keep my cool if we didn't have as much 'downtime'.

#294

We woke up to rain and cloudy skies. Which wasn't really an inconvenience because I didn't have any major plans. A trip to the bank and the library. 

Library time was a big huge score. While we were picking out books, some awesome ladies came in for a story/craft time for kiddos. And the girls really seemed to enjoy it. They got to have someone besides me read them a book, and afterwards they made a little craft. The ladies were super attentive and P and K seemed to like them. We will be checking it out next week. 

I got a few books for myself. 2 random novels, John McCain's book, and a health food/lifestyle book. I am almost done reading the last one (yes, already). It is something I am really interested in, this eating healthy thing. 

But I just really don't like a ton of veggies. Plus, it is expensive to eat a lot of these foods, don't even think about baking super healthy. And there is no way J would cope with me taking away his 'meat and potatoes' existence. 

Who am I kidding? I couldn't take away my potatoes! Though I am seriously considering cutting way back on the meats. 

This book did have some interesting things to say, some great ideas and hypotheses. But there were some things that really made me think. Ok you have all these studies you hear about every day. One says eggs are good. One says they are bad. Doctor A thinks you should stay away from carbs. Doctor Z says eat them. Who do you believe? Personally, I adore eggs and carbs! And I believe moderation is really the key. But all the 'studies' and 'experts' annoy the heck out of me. 

#293

I was feeling very unaccomplished today. I did a whole lot of nothing- slept in and skipped Mass, stayed in my pj's all day, watched football, relaxed, played. But instead of feeling relaxed, I felt lazy. 

Then I read my Facebook updates, specifically the History Channel's This Day In History. And nothing of note happened on this day! That's not true, things happened. But the things that happened weren't that interesting. 

Kind of like my day. Things happened, but nothing of interest. 

#292

I feel agitated tonight. 

My head is just crazy lately. I am tired of complaining and tired of hurting. Moving on. Ok, Head?

I finished reading a book that I had heard great things about. And It did not live up to the hype. Or maybe it did and I am just not feeling books lately. A lot of books that come highly recommended have let me down. So maybe my head isn't right? 

My little lovies were pretty great today. They were not perfect angels, heck they weren't even on their best behavior. They were sassy and they had some issues listening and they were fighting. But they were great because they are my baby girls and I love them. They cracked me up and cuddled and told us they love us.

And we are back to me feeling agitated. What is that all about? I mean, today was not full of roses and burritos. But it wasn't horrible either. So what is the deal with me?

#291

Fridays are turning in to pretty good days. 

I went to MCCW and really enjoyed the company. The meeting left a bit to be desired. They are a little unorganized and I am not a fan of that! But hopefully we can all work together and get a great group, spiritually and socially. Like I said, I really enjoyed the company. 

I really do love being part of a group. Having a group, or a few groups, of like-minded people to meet and interact with on a regular basis really keeps me sane. At this point, who knows what group will be 'mine' or where that group will be. But I was reminded today of how enjoyable they are. 

Having a tie to someone else- children around the same age, shared belief system, a quirky love for sarcasm- it makes it easier to get through the day to day. That is something I have really been missing. 

Other than that really good morning, today was exhausting. I am just physically tired. P was up screaming last night; I assume she was having a nightmare. And it took her a while to calm down- like an hour and a half! The night before the girls had a bad night as well. And I am just sissy enough to feel sleep deprived!

#290

My dad is a football guy. A guy that lives for Sunday mornings. A guy that bets more weekends than he doesn't. So I was taught at a young age to appreciate the beauty of a bunch of guys lining up to knock each other down. I can remember picking teams before I knew where New Orleans or Dallas were. Football was as much a part of my life as school- but so much more enjoyable. 

This year my love for football took a hit. The strike, the greediness, that just killed me. Because I really love the game. 

And tonight I was reminded of that. Kind of. Because for me, football has always been tied to my dad. And tonight Dad and I went over Week 2 and made our picks. It was nice. It reminded me of being a kid and telling dad I wanted the horseshoes and the orange team to win. 

This morning was pretty great too. The girls and I had a little playdate and we all really enjoyed it. It was nice to talk about whatever with someone who seemed to get it. It didn't hurt that she was cracking me up. And our kiddos got along well. P and K seemed to really have fun, which makes me so very happy. 

#289

Last night, J and I made plans to go to this orchard that isn't too far from us so we could pick apples. We thought the girls would like it. It supports local farms. It's healthy. And I could make apple sauce and a couple killer apple pies. 

Instead we stayed home. Because the stupid head of mine can't seem to act right. My head was pounding, I was feeling queasy, all that fun stuff. So we stayed home so I could rest. Ha! My daughters ran around like two year olds and my husband was lazy because he is on vacation. 

I don't think I got any rest! I probably should have gone to pick apples. 

Highlight of today was definitely taking the girls for a bike ride. they have tricycles that they really haven't shown much interest in. But we have been trying to encourage riding in the backyard. And today we took them to the streets- or the sidewalk, whatever. The girls seemed to really enjoy it. And they actually get the pedaling concept. 

We really have to reevaluate their routine. It is currently two hours after my angel girls' bedtime and I can still hear them in there talking. They aren't napping well- which has been the trend for a while now. They wake up early. And now they don't want to go to sleep. What happened to my awesome sleepers???

#288

Oh man. My freaking head is killing me. This just sucks. 

Other than my annoying ass head, today was fun. Last week J wanted to take the girls on a separate little date. And the day he picked was horrible- both the chicks were in a bad mood and clinging to Mommy. So the other day he took P (to the shoppette, because that is his idea of fun!) and she loved it. They never get the chance to go anywhere with their dad, so it was fun. 

And today was Ks turn. She cracked me up! When P went without her the other day, K was heartbroken. So today she was so excited. Se reminded P that it was her turn to go with Daddy. And when they got home, she was too excited to be back. Just cracked me up. And I live that J wanted to do this. He is pretty cool.

And I took my awesome migraine to an FRG meeting. It wasn't as bad as I was thinking it would be. Believe me, FRGs have a bad name for a reason. But this one didn't seem bad. Not very friendly- most things here have been super anti social though. Oh well. 

#287

Today is not my day. I have been in a crap mood today and things are just irritating me. 

I am really annoyed. At life in general. And a specific situation. And at myself. 

I really have nothing I want to say. Everything I start to write is mean or snide or pointless. And it's just ridiculous. 

I started this stupid project for myself. Just me. Oh so self centered of me, I know. Too bad, deal with it. I am a stay at home mom and wife that wanted 10 minutes for herself. And I wanted to write. So I started this. 

And now I can't even sit here and write what I want to write. This was supposed to be me being real. But now I am supposed to mince my words. Or I have to wonder how my words will be read. 

Awesome. 

#286

“These acts of mass murder were intended to frighten our nation into chaos and retreat. But they have failed. Our country is strong.” President George Bush, September 11, 2001.

10 years ago, I was riveted to the tv, as was most of the country. Hearing my president address the nation was surreal for me. The president only did that kind of thing in the movies – or so my teenage mind thought.

I still remember the ache in my heart that day inspired. And I remember the steadiness of our Commander in Chief. He really held it together, held us together, in a horrible time. He was a great leader and a great American. That day, and the horrible days that followed, he really stepped up to the plate. He has earned his place in American history.

There really is not much I can say about that fateful day. There was terror and pain, bravery and love.

This morning, the gospel reading was Matthew 18:21-35. All about forgiveness. How amazing is that, right? Jesus telling us to forgive as we are forgiven. Of all the days to hear that, today was the day.

I am horrible at that. Forgiveness is something that I really cannot seem to get right. And I know it is something I should practice more often. But I am mad. And it is hard to find the balance between forgiving and not forgetting.

#285

On September 10, 2001, Americans went to bed without fear. We weren't worried for our country's safety. Our service members were at the ready, as always, but there was not an identified target- just a hypothetical. New York was whole. 

And then, Hate struck. An act that inspired terror. The bottom fell out. Our hearts were struck with dread, fear, anger. We witnessed an act of pure hate. 

But so many acts of compassion. Bravery. Patriotism. Faith. 

Four planes wreaked havoc on a nation. But first, they brought us together. Do you remember that? Finally, we were all American- not democrats or republicans, black or white, rich or poor. We were actually united. Old Glory was back on our porches and back in our hearts. 

But then, time and choices and so many other factors drove us apart again. Once again, we are a nation divided. We bicker about money and civil liberties and troop movements and tax cuts. In our every day lives, we forget the beauty of our nation. 

We forget that every day is a gift, that many do not receive. We forget that even in a moment of torture, American citizens are brave and selfless. We forget that we can, will, and do rise above hatred. We forget that we are together in it all. 

September 11th is a day to remember, to mourn, to reflect. But it is also a day to be thankful. A day to give your loved ones an extra kiss. A day to appreciate a blue sky. A day to thank the Lord for everything we have. 

Tomorrow, our country remembers our pain. But we also remember our strength. 

#284

September 9, 1850: California becomes the 31st state. Happy birthday to my beautiful Golden State!!

Today was a pretty good day for me as well. MCCW (aka Catholic women's bible study group on post) had their fist meeting this morning. And I went. 

Do you have any idea how nice it was to talk to women that were fun and open and chatty? I was able to be Holly, and these women weren't ignoring me. It was a great first meeting. The ladies seem pretty great. And I am looking forward to next Friday. 

The girls seemed to have fun as well. For the first time in months, they were able to play with kids without their stinking mom being right there. There were a couple kids their age. When I picked them up they were in great moods and just seemed happy. Every mom has to love that. 

And I spent this evening brainstorming crafty ideas. I want to try making my nieces and nephews their Christmas gifts this year. The problem with that is I have to think of gifts for children ages 6 months to 14 years. And a ton in between. Not exactly easy! The hardest is the 14 year old boy. He is hard to shop for- making something for him is way harder!

... I keep thinking of 9/11. As the anniversary approaches, I am sure I am not the only one. But I cannot help but notice how jumbled and confused my thoughts and feelings are... But I will save that for tomorrow. Or maybe Sunday.

#283

Sometimes, bedtime is hard for me. Not my bedtime. The girls. There are days that I do not want to say good night to them. I just want to cuddle until they fall asleep. Tonight was one of those nights. 

Overall, today was unremarkable in it's laziness. We watches tv, went for a walk, took naps, played, read. Nothing spectacular. 

Just my amazing family hanging at home. 

But now, as I get ready for bed, I feel my old nemesis Migraine knocking at my skull. Ow. 

#282

*deep sigh*

This is something I have felt the need to say for a while now. I wasn't sure what exactly I should say, or how to say it. I just knew I needed to say it for myself...

I have said a few times that I am not a politician. I haven't studied law and I do not watch CSPAN. But I am an American. 

I don't like that our country has put such a high value on an individual's freedoms that we have tossed our values to the wayside. Yes, I love my first amendment. But just because you can say something doesn't mean you should. 

I don't like that our country puts such a high priority on helping others when we need help here at home. There are people in our country that have to pick between a roof over their head, food, or healthcare. That is not a choice someone should have to make in this country. There are children that need a loving home, children right here in this country. I love that we help those in need, but there are so many in need right here. 

I don't like that 'politician' is a career choice. Or 'lobbyist'. If a congressman/woman made minimum wage, or nothing, for their service to their country, how many people would run for office? The people that want to serve their country, not those hoping to made another million, are the people that should be directing us. 

I don't like that race is an issue for so many. Black, white, red, yellow- those are crayon colors. Last time I checked, my skin is not white. And I am pale. And I think my skin color is beautiful. If you have a problem with that, you might need to check your beliefs. 

I don't like watching my country in pain. Tornadoes, hurricanes, earthquakes, wildfires. Violence, hatred, ignorance. It all breaks my heart. I am not asking for rainbows and unicorns- just a little peace as quiet. 

I love my country. I love that feeling of love and pride that I get when I see Old Glory flying. I love the ideals and passion our founding fathers had for this hunk of land. I love what generations have build this country in to, through their dreams and nightmares. I love that there is a future to look forward to. 

I do not like to see the bad in those I love. I really do not like to point out the flaws of my loved ones. But sometimes an intervention is needed. Right? 

P.S. Yea, I equated my country with a loved one. It's my thoughts here, so there. 

#281

It keeps hitting me that my baby girls are growing up. In just over two months, they will be three. How did that happen?

I had a dentist appointment (and will have another tomorrow, because this place is a little weird. Whatever) and while we were there, the assistant mentioned they usually start seeing patients at 3 years. Hey, that will be my girls in November. And preschools and a ton of activities and weren't they just coming home from the hospital yesterday????

They are so smart. Too smart sometimes! And getting so big! I have packed away almost all of their 2T clothes. They look , talk, act, and think like big girls now. 

It is kind of breaking my heart! 

But I am so proud of them. And in awe of just how amazing they are. I know I am being one of 'those moms' but I can't help it. My babies aren't babies anymore. Now they are these amazing kids. 

Other than that emotional-ness, or I guess falling right in line with that... We went to Walmart this evening to get light bulbs. And somehow found ourselves meandering down the toy aisles. The girls loved looking. J loved touching. And I started a list for birthday and Christmas gifts. Yes, a list. Because I am morphing into my oldest sister. Great!

But I did get a few ideas that hadn't crossed my mind until today. Nowhere near enough ideas because my crazy mother just had to have five children and my siblings feel the need to get a gift for their nieces yet they ask me for ideas. Gah! How about they all just plant a tree in honor of P and K turning 3??

Wow, my hippiness has hit a new high with that sentence!

#280

I feel like Fall is coming in to view. And Fall approaching in the States is a whole different thing than Fall in Germany. To me, at least. 

In Germany, I waited all Winter for warm weather and sunshine. I couldn't wait to get a flip flop tan line and sweat my ass off while I sat outside with a good book. And then Summer came. With overcast skies and highs in the 70s if you were lucky. So the arrival of Fall was not a relief; it was just another day to pick out a sweater and fun socks. 

But this Summer, I have actually seen the sun. My husband says my feet look dirty because he is not used to my flip flop tan lines. And I have sweat buckets playing with my daughters under blue skies. I had almost forgotten how much I dislike grey skies. 

So, as the temperatures fall and the darkness ascends before the girls' bedtime, I am embracing the Lady Autumn. I am already thinking about Halloween costumes and leaf shaped sugar cookies. With orange frosting, of course. I have started to put away shorts, and have dug out the girls sweaters.

I am going to celebrate this season and everything it has to offer. Hay rides, apple cider, pumpkin carving, and sweaters with fun socks. 

#279

I have nothing to say. Today was not good or bad. I felt like ass and my girls were chatty. It rained.

Really, I have nothing to say. What is the deal?

#278

I feel sick. I don't want to feel sick. My belly feels yucky and my head is achy. Not fun. 

Before I was feeling yucky, today was a good day. I spent the morning hanging with my crew. Yo. We had chili dogs for lunch. And brace yourselves for this piece of knowledge that you never needed to know: chili dogs are not that good if you use homemade chili. That might sound crazy, but there you have it. 

I should say, I make really good chili. I am sure most people think that. But I thoroughly enjoy my chili. So, the other day, I made a big pot, stored some in the freezer and some in the fridge. This afternoon, we made chili dogs, something I love. I eat them all the time with canned chili. I know, I'm so classy. But they are yum. Just no so yum with real chili. I think the crazy amount of added crap does something special to canned chili-chili dogs. Kind of like the hometown spots all look like they failed their health inspection?!

Oh, and I went on a date. Movie and dinner. Great conversation. We agreed we should go out more. I am really lucky to have a girlfriend here. 

#277

If you could go back in time and 'change it all' would you?

If you had the chance to go back to some pivotal point in your life and open Door #2, would you take that chance?

I don't know what got me thinking about this. But my brain had fun with this little thought. Though I am not really sure what The Moment would be? 

But first, my thoughts on this matter. I think that it's human nature to wonder what might have been. After all, we make life decisions every day, with no surefire way of knowing the 'right' one. Dwelling on the road not taken is where things get messy. 

So let's play a game of 'What if?'. You are given the option to be taken back to Life's Deciding Point. You will somehow know which magical path to walk down- the opposite of your previous choice. However, you will not have gained any knowledge. In essence, you will have never lived this life. All your life lessons, choices, attachments, never happened. You will truly live your life with this choice, Door #2 with no idea what was behind Door #1.

"The devil you know is better than the one you don't." " The grass isn't always greener on the other side." but what if it IS greener?

And if you made the choice to change, would you find yourself, years down the road, wondering about what might have been?

Would you do it? Would you go back? 


*I just asked J, as he is falling asleep. His answer, and his reason, was pretty great. He's a keeper. 

** I really would love to hear your answers. 

#276

I don't wanna. 

I don't want to diet. I don't want to exercise. 

I don't want to see -all of this- when I look in the mirror. 

And I do not like to be the girl that worries about her weight. 

Gah! Can you tell today has been a 'fat day'? This girl needs to get beck into the 'healthy' routine. And what is my deal with the quotation thing today?! 

Gangsta P and K Dizzle were fun today. We went for a walk, and stopped at the park, like we do most days. And then I introduced them to the awesomeness of Elmer's glue and dried beans. They had a ton of fun making their letters and some shapes. Even though they were pretty whiny for part of the day, we had fun.