#51

So, I am giving myself a huge pat on the back! I woke up this morning and did some yoga. And this evening I got on my treadmill! That is what you can call a '2-a-day' my friends.

Remember, I hate exercise. But I have this crazy bulge going on. Really. I am bigger now than I have been in a while. I feel like I have this '1 step forward, 2 steps back' thing going on with my weight. Since I had my girls, that is. Before I got pregnant, with twins, and gave birth, I didn't have self-image issues. I was quite happy with my body, with my looks in general. But for the last two years and two months, oh man. Things have been bad in the confidence dept. Funny, I was once told I was cocky.

So I am trying something new. J actually suggested it, because he is awesome in this dept. I am going to try the reward system. This has never really been my thing. Well, weight issues have never been my thing either. So we are going to try it out. If i exercise twice a day for 4 days a week, I get to bake something, anything. If I do not exercise twice a day for 4 days a week, there will be no baking that week. And that will make me so sad.

And please let me just say: This is not about the number on the scale. Heck, I don't even know what that number is, I am too scared to check. This is about ME. How I feel, how I see myself. I do not like what I see in the mirror. I do not like how my clothes feel. And that is not me, damn it. So I am taking myself back. By force, because that is the only way I will exercise!!!

Tomorrow I plan to do the same thing. I will wake up, yoga it up, and when my girls go to bed I will hop on the treadmill. I am not pushing myself to the extreme. I am not pushing myself as hard as I should. But I am trying to change. Words of encouragement, and when I fail calling me a sissy, might help!