Monday, October 10, 2011

#315

I need to have an eye exam. I need to take my car to the shop to get the brakes checked and the oil changed. I need to schedule the girls dentist appointment. I need to buy a birthday gift for the girls friend. I need to take books back to the library. I need to mail a few packages. 

I need to be thankful for at least five seconds before I feel overwhelmed. 

All the things I need to do are doable. I can run errands and make appointments and pay for services rendered. Not everyone can say that. Not everyone that is dear to me can say that. 

And it sucks. Sorry, no pretty words tonight. 

My dad's health is horrible. That is his business and I absolutely refuse to get in to that here. But he is my dad. And I love him. And it royally sucks to see him struggle.

 I feel useless. Which makes me mad. Which makes me determined. Which doesn't change the fact that I am lost and possibly  in way over my head. Which all means nothing because none of it is about me. 

I want to say more. But I cannot. This is me, filtering my thoughts. Filtering them from myself. 

And it sucks. 

Are you getting any of this? Or am I just jumbling feelings and words into a mess that sane people will never grasp?
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