#295

I am really conflicted in my feelings today.

I feel that I am called to be a stay at home mom. My daughters deserve to have the attention and love of their mother and not a paid worker. I will stay at home as long as I need to/can. I also feel that I am called to be a wife, so my daughters are not my one and only concern. I try to find a balance- every once in a while I succeed.

I also do not feel the need to be busy. You know, volunteering for A, B, and C, attending 4 playgroups, teaching the dog 50 new tricks, and making a five star gourmet meal- from scratch- every day. Yes, I want my daughters to be well rounded people. But I also want to teach them the value of a lazy day and time management. It is in the stillness that you hear the important things.

But I do not feel like I am good at this life. Sometimes I fail at being a good mom/wife/person. I lose my cool way too quickly and too often. And it sometimes feels like I would be able to keep my cool if we didn't have as much 'downtime'.